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Friendships

                 "One lifelong friend is enough. Two is too many. Three is almost impossible."                          Henry Adams, 1838-1918, American historian

Technology—Your Master or Servant?

Is technology your master or your servant? Many would say that they are in control of their devices, not the other way around. But technology can affect people in ways they don't realize, even in ways they don't want. 


How Does Technology Affect Your Friendships?


Thanks to text messages, e-mails, video calls and social networks, two people can communicate very easily even if they live on another continent. In this case, technology is at their service.

However, some who rely primarily on technology to maintain their friendships tend to . . .

show less empathy towards their friends.

to feel more alone and empty.

to focus more on themselves than on others.


WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW

EMPATHY

Empathy requires taking the time to patiently engage with the other person—something that can be difficult to do in a flurry of social media posts and text messages.

Little by little, if technology takes over, replying to our friends' messages will start to feel like just another chore on our to-do list. We'll be more interested in cleaning out our inbox than helping a friend in need.

THINK: How can you show you care about your friends when you use technology to communicate?

EMPTY FEELING

A study found that many felt worse after browsing a popular social media platform. The researchers concluded that by looking at other people's photos and news, one can "feel that one has not done anything worthwhile".

In addition, when one looks at the attractive photos posted by others, one may make negative comparisons. It may seem to him that everyone else is having a good time while he is stuck on the same things.

THINK: When using social networks, how can you avoid comparing yourself negatively to others?

SELF-CENTERIZATION

A teacher points out that some of her students seem to prefer one-sided friendships. What concerns them most is: "Who will support me"? Such friendships mainly focus on what one gets out of the relationship. One can start to see their friends as apps that they open and close whenever they need them.

THINK: Do your online posts show that you tend to be competitive or overly self-centered?

WHAT CAN YOU DO

ANALYZE HOW YOU USE TECHNOLOGY

If technology is your servant and not your boss, it will help you keep in touch with your friends and even bond with them more.

Choose the suggestions you would like to implement or write your own ideas.

Communicate more face-to-face (instead of just texting and e-mailing)

Put the phone away (or put it on silent) when talking to someone

To reduce the time I surf on social networks

To become a better listener

To contact a friend who is having a hard time

ASK YOURSELF

Do I have genuine friendships with people who care about me and I care about them?

How often do I get interrupted by a phone call, text, or notification when I'm on a live chat with a friend?

Do the photos and comments I post on social networks give the impression that I am a self-centered person?

How do I feel after surfing social networks?

What adjustments could I make so that my use of technology does not prevent me from making real friends?

Let's remember: Friendships take time and effort, so realistically you can't have too many. What counts is not quantity but quality. True friends care about your well-being, and you care about theirs.


Friendships

Many consider it a mountain to maintain strong relationships with others. Consider some principles that will help you improve your life socially.


TO DEMONSTRATE SELFLESSNESS

WHAT IT MEANS: For a relationship to succeed, it is more important to give than to receive. If you are generally selfish in your life, you may spoil your relationships with others. For example, selfishness in marriage can lead to infidelity. Furthermore, no one wants to be friends with a person who constantly brags about what they have or know. As the book The Road to Character says, "self-centeredness points us in several unfortunate directions."


WHAT CAN YOU DO:


To help others. Strong friendships are built on commitment and trust. Some studies show that people who help others suffer less from depression and boost their self-esteem.


Show compassion. Compassion means feeling the pain of another in our own heart. If you show compassion, you are less likely to taunt others in a biting way, that is, to say scathing and usually ironic words intended to hurt them.


Also, if you show compassion, you will tolerate others. So, compassion can help you not be prejudiced, as well as make friends from different cultures or backgrounds.


Give of your time. The more time you spend with others, the better you will get to know them. You need to have meaningful conversations with others to make true friends. So be good listeners. Care about your friends' concerns. According to a recent study, "deep conversations may even contribute to our happiness."


CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WISELY

WHAT IT MEANS: The people you hang out with have a significant impact on you​—for better or for worse. Sociologists agree that this influence can have an impact on your life. They say, for example, that if you're surrounded by people who smoke or get divorced, you're more likely to start smoking or want to get divorced.


WHAT YOU CAN DO: Choose as friends people with qualities and values you admire or want to emulate. For example, associate with people who show discretion, respect, generosity and hospitality.