Good Life

Young people on the Internet!

Imagine your child wandering the streets alone at night.

Imagine your teenage child is throwing a party at your house and you don't know anything.

Imagine your son or daughter making copies of your house keys and handing them out to complete strangers.

IF your child has access to the Internet, the above situations may not be as unrealistic as they seem. "The Internet offers meeting spaces in an unprecedented number and variety, from electronic message boards to instant messages and so-called social network spaces," reports the journal Science News.

Young people have adapted quickly to the online world. Indeed, in 2004 about 9 out of 10 people in the United States between the ages of 12 and 17 used the Internet, which can be accessed from almost every corner of the globe.

Few would deny the usefulness of the Internet. But no one should overlook the dangers involved. For example, many young people wander alone in the Internet neighborhood while some create social networks with people whom you—even your child—would never invite home.

Some naive young people unnecessarily publish personal information, thoughts and photos on the Internet. According to State University of New York professor Zheng Yan, young people "often don't realize how many people have access to this information, including people who want to take advantage of them sexually."

Let's take a closer look at what many young people are doing online. This will enable us to discern potential problems, ascertain exactly what our children are looking for and see how we can help them meet their real needs.

How to Help Young People Meet the Challenge

THE WORLD, its ways of life and its fashions have always undergone changes. Mainly due to modern technology, the changes are becoming even more evident today. What was fashionable yesterday is out of date today, and what is popular today will be out of date tomorrow. These rapid changes have a significant impact on young people.

Social Revolution

In recent years, technology has sparked a revolution that has a strong influence on young people. For example, in many countries the mobile phone and the computer are intertwined with the social life of the teenager. Online social networking sites have created a whole new world of possibilities. "You could have almost no friends in real life and suddenly have hundreds of friends online," says a 19-year-old girl in Australia.

Few would deny that the mobile phone and the Internet provide quite a few benefits. Many people, however, seem to have become addicted to these media. University professor Donald Roberts points out that some students "can't let their few minute break between 10 and 11 classes go by without talking on their cell phones." He says: "I get the impression that they feel uncomfortable if they don't have some stimuli — as if they're saying, 'I can't stand silence.'"

Some young people even admit to feeling dependent. "I'm totally addicted to instant messaging and my cell phone because it's how I keep in touch with my friends," says 16-year-old Melanie. "When I get home, I immediately go online and stay there. . . sometimes until 3 A.M." Melanie's monthly mobile phone bill ranges from 80 to 400 euros. "Until now," she says, "I owe my parents more than [€1,500] in extra fees. But I'm so used to always having my cell phone with me that I can't live normally without it."

The problems may not be just financial. During a study of family life, anthropologist Elinor Oakes found that when a working parent came home, his partner and children were usually so engrossed in what they were doing that 2 out of 3 times they didn't even greet him! They continued to be engaged in their electronic devices. "We also saw how difficult it was for parents to penetrate their child's world," Oaks says. She adds that, during the study, it was observed that parents actually pulled away so as not to disturb the children who were engrossed in whatever they were doing.

Online Social Networking​—Is It Harmless?

Many parents and educators are concerned about the amount of time young people spend visiting so-called social networks on the Internet. These are online spaces that allow their members to create a website and enrich it with images, videos and electronic diaries (blogs).

An attractive feature of these sites is the ability they give their members to communicate with friends. Another is that creating a website allows the young person to express their identity, to 'make a statement'. We can understand why this resonates, since adolescence is the time when one learns about oneself and reveals one's feelings in a way that touches and moves others.

A problem that arises, however, is that some people create an online persona that portrays the person they would like to be rather than the person they are. "There's a kid at my school who says he's 21 and lives in Las Vegas," reports a 15-year-old boy. Both young men live about 1,600 kilometers away from that US city.

Such scams are very common. "You can do everything on the Internet," admits an 18-year-old girl from Australia. "You can become a completely different person because nobody actually knows you. You feel confident. You can come up with things that make you seem like a more interesting person. You can post photos of yourself wearing clothes you would never wear or doing something you would never do in real life. You can write something that you would never say to someone face to face. You feel like you can do anything without repercussions because people don't know you. No one knows your true identity."

As with any form of communication, social networks on the Internet can have legitimate uses as well as potential abuses. As a parent, do you know what your kids are doing online? Are you making sure your kids are using their time in a beneficial way? In addition, misuse of the Internet can expose a young person to many serious risks. Who are some of them?

The Dark Side of Cyberspace

The anonymity of the Internet makes it a breeding ground for people who exploit children. Young people can be unwittingly trapped if they make personal information available online or agree to meet with someone they correspond with. Some argue that "children face more serious threats of violence or abuse in their own home or at a playground," says the book Parenting 911. "However, for most parents, there is the insidious trap of people engaging in sexual seduction who are able to enter their homes through a screen and corrupt their children's innocence."

Communication technology has been exploited in other ways as well. Some young people have become involved in 'cyberbullying', which involves relentless harassment, isolating the victim, stalking or making threats online. There are online spaces that are created solely to humiliate someone, while e-mails, chat rooms and the like have become means of seducing people. The director of an internet safety group believes that up to 80 per cent of children aged 10 to 14 have been directly or indirectly affected by cyberbullying.

Of course, bullying is nothing new. But now, whispers, gossip, and backbiting can travel much farther and with infinitely greater speed. Usually, these get increasingly lewd. In some cases, cell phones with built-in cameras have been used to take, perhaps in school locker rooms or bathrooms, indecent photos and videos that could potentially embarrass the victim. Subsequently, these images have been made public on the Internet and sent to many "thirsty" recipients.

The World's Anxiety Is Growing

Such issues have prompted the New Jersey Department of Justice and Public Safety in the US to send a letter to parents and guardians, urging them: "Help us respond to the growing concern about inappropriate use of the Internet by children, both in and out of outside the school". The letter expressed particular concern about the publication of personal information and photographs on the Internet. Places that share such details usually attract unscrupulous youths and adults like magnets. "As a parent," the letter said, "you should know that concerns about these issues are very valid, and that you can play an important role in keeping your children safe by becoming more informed and interested in how your children use the Internet".

However, it's surprising how little some parents know about what their children are doing online. One mother, who closely monitors her 16-year-old daughter's Internet activities, states: "Parents would be very horrified and upset if they knew what their children were posting and discussing." According to an Internet safety expert, some young people are posting highly provocative photos of sexual content.

Negative Consequences

Does all this worry just stem from the irrational fears of some risk-averse adults who have forgotten what it's like to be a teenager? Statistics show the opposite. Consider this: In some areas, nearly a third of boys and girls between the ages of 15 and 17 have had sex. More than half of 13- to 19-year-olds say they have had oral sex.

Has technology contributed to these alarming statistics? Undoubtedly. "Cell phones and the Internet, which offer teenagers an unprecedented level of privacy, make casual relationships much easier," says a New York Times Magazine article. Indeed, to arrange a secret meeting with a person of the opposite sex, it is enough to press a few keys on the computer. According to some research, more than 4 out of 5 girls admitted that they are not as careful as they should be when browsing the Internet.

Some who seek to create romantic acquaintances or casual relationships through the Internet are faced with more than they bargained for. "We've seen an increase in sexual assaults," said Jennifer Welch of the Novato Police Department in California. She says that many victims first contact their future abuser online and then agree to meet in person.

Beware of Sophistry!

Teen advice columns in newspapers and magazines tend to have a permissive attitude towards young people and sex. Although they condone abstinence or moral purity, their main goal is to promote "safe" sex rather than not having sex. "Since we can't stop them," seems to be the reasoning, "at least let's teach them to be responsible."

In an article published in a reputable teen website, the question of whether or not one should have sex was boiled down to three factors: (1) risk of pregnancy, (2) risk of sexually transmitted disease, and (3) importance of both parties deciding whether they are emotionally ready for the experience. "Ultimately, you will make the decision," the article states. As for the need for the individual to discuss this matter with his parent, only a brief mention is made. And not the least is said about whether such sexual relations are right or wrong.

If you're a parent, surely you want something better to guide your children than the fickle and silly wisdom of standards imposed by famous stars of the art establishment. How can you help them navigate through adolescence and avoid the dangers discussed in this article? The solution may not be as easy as unplugging the computer or taking away their phone. Surface solutions rarely reach the heart. Also consider that your children may be using services such as cell phones and the Internet to meet some needs that you as a parent can meet much more effectively. What are some of these needs?

Help Young People Meet Their Needs

YOUNG people need someone to talk to about their goals, hopes and problems. They also need good friends. And as they mature, young people need a sense of personal identity, of individuality. When parents help their children meet these needs, they protect them from potentially harmful relationships, such as those easily created online.

◼ Young people need to talk.

Teenagers may give the impression that they are reluctant to express their feelings or that they keep them to themselves. Rest assured, though, that they want to talk — yes, to you, their parent — about matters whether serious or trivial. The question is: Are you ready and willing to listen?

Don't let the demands of life crowd out the precious opportunities you are given to talk with your children. If you are struggling, it may be time to seriously consider whether you are making sure of the most important things in your family life. What could be more important than your children?

Don't jump to the conclusion that young people prefer to seek advice from their peers rather than their parents. In one survey, more than 17,000 middle and high school students were asked to rate on a scale of 0 to 5 how much influence their parents, friends, celebrities, media, and teachers had on them. A response of 0 meant no effect and a response of 5 a very large effect. Almost half rated their parents a 5.

Of course, as a parent you can play an essential role in shaping your children's values and goals. "You might not touch them with everything you say," said one mother. "But if you don't talk to them, you'll never touch them."

◼ Young people need friends.

"Parents usually don't know their child's Internet contacts or just don't care to know," says a 15-year-old girl. In this day and age, parents cannot afford to take their children's socializing lightly. Do you know who your children spend their time with, either face-to-face or in other ways? Bad companions destroy good character. Therefore, yes there is a compelling reason to closely supervise your children's interactions.

Caregiving involves more than just protecting children from bad influences. Children need the right kind of friends. Therefore, there is a need to help your children find wholesome associations​—obviously including other youths who exhibit excellent conduct.

"Friends should be like books, few and far between." – C.J. Langenhoven

Indeed, one of the most valuable life skills you can teach your children—both by word and by your example—is choosing wholesome associations.

◼ Young people need a sense of personal identity.

A vital part of development is identity formation—a set of unique characteristics that set one child apart from all others. One of your responsibilities as a parent is to instill right principles in the hearts of your children.​

For example: Parents usually choose their toddler's clothes on a daily basis, hoping that they will learn to dress appropriately. But can you imagine a healthy 30-year-old adult still being dressed by his parents? The idea alone is absurd! Yes, you can help your children through loving training and admonition. Then, as they grow older and become more independent, they too can choose how to shape their personalities by choosing to cultivate truly beautiful, attractive qualities and to share their time with internally cultivated people, with people who are beneficial to the human being. society.

Ask yourself, "How do my children really feel about the values I am teaching them? How can I help them live wisely? Your goal is not to raise a superficially obedient child. Some children seem to excel at doing as they are told , without ever asking, reacting, or rebelling. But the child who simply conforms to what you want him to do today may conform to what the world wants him to do tomorrow. Therefore, train your children to cultivate the power of reason." Help them see why the principles you've been instilling in them for so many years are sound and how they benefit us all.​

Yes, helping young people meet their needs takes effort. But the rewards are worth it!