Being Raised by Cold and Unloving Parents- How Does It Affect You?

A person's upbringing plays a decisive role in the formation of his personality. Those who grew up with cold and unloving parents often develop some different characteristics later as adults.

These characteristics, without necessarily being negative, derive from the emotional environment in which we have grown up. But it is essential to remember that personality traits are not immutable, but on the contrary, they are subject to change if we evolve and gain self-awareness.

Recognizing these characteristics helps us to understand both the behavior and emotions of people and to cultivate meaningful relationships, both with ourselves and with others.

People who grew up with cold and unloving parents show these 8 traits later in life:

▶Difficulty in emotional expression

▶Excessive independence

▶Excessive need for control

▶Strong drive to succeed

▶Strong sense of responsibility

▶Need to please others

▶Excessive self-criticism

▶Emotional distance

How are the characteristic signs expressed in the behavior of people who have grown up in a cold and indifferent environment

Difficulty in emotional expression

Growing up in an emotionally cold environment, a person may then struggle with emotional expression. When you live in an environment where feelings are not talked about or expressed, you learn to suppress them as a defense mechanism.

Children who did not express their feelings become adults who have difficulty with emotional expression and interpreting the feelings of others.

They may have difficulty recognizing their own feelings and locating their source, which leads to communication problems and misunderstandings in their relationships.

These people often avoid emotional closeness, out of fear of rejection or humiliation, which was instilled in them early in their formative years.

They may thus build emotional walls in an attempt to protect themselves, making it difficult to form meaningful emotional bonds with others.

Excessive independence

This is a common characteristic of people who have grown up with cold and unloving parents: an abnormal sense of independence. Not surprising, considering that as children they had to fend for themselves, support themselves emotionally, and learned to rely solely on themselves for comfort and encouragement.

A sense of independence, as valuable as it is, can be a hindrance. However, as adults, these people do not accept to ask for help, no matter how much they need it, since for them, it is a sign of weakness and they do not want to become a burden to others.

Their excessive independence can become an obstacle to forming healthy relationships in their lives. The autonomy of people who have grown up with cold parents extends to their personal lives, where they prefer to solve their problems on their own, resulting in them feeling isolated, even when surrounded by friends and family.

Excessive need for control

Another common behavior of people who have been raised by cold and unloving parents is an excessive need for control. In order to feel safe, these people have a compulsion to control both the circumstances and the people around them.

The need for control can manifest itself in a number of ways, one of which is analytical programming, or even obsessive, pathological behavior. This is nothing but the defense mechanism against the vulnerability and lack of support they experienced during their childhood.

A degree of control is necessary and healthy, but too much can lead to stress, anxiety and relationship problems. However, people must get rid of the need for absolute control and come to terms with the fact that life is, many times, unpredictable.

Strong drive to succeed

People raised by cold and unloving parents may be driven by a strong need to succeed.

Their drive does not always stem from ambition, but perhaps from an underlying fear that they are not enough. They may chase success, in the form of approval, believing that this will make them worthy of love and respect.

They set the bar high and continuously strive to achieve the impossible.

While this drive can lead them to remarkable achievements, it can also lead to burnout and a morbid obsession with perfection. After all, this is how they manage to distract themselves from taking care of their own needs and well-being, to the pursuit of their goals.

Strong sense of responsibility

Another common characteristic of people who grew up with cold and unloving parents is their excessive sense of responsibility. This characteristic of their personality has been formed in their childhood, during which they tried to ensure an order in an unpredictable family environment. Feeling responsible for actions beyond your control results in feelings of guilt and intense self-reproach.

These people are observed to take on more than they can handle, as a result of which they feel overwhelmed and exposed. This mentality leads them to exhaustion and feelings of bitterness and anger.

Need to please others

People raised by cold and unloving parents tend to want to please others. This tendency stems from their childhood, during which they struggled to win their parents' love, through obedience and, of course, the excessive offering of help.

In adulthood, these people may prioritize the needs of others over their own, and have difficulty saying no. This habit leads to feelings of bitterness and exhaustion.

For these people, it is necessary to understand that their value is not tied to how much they do for others. They need to learn to prioritize, taking care of their own needs and setting healthy boundaries in their relationships.

They may not yet understand that they are already "enough." No matter how much they may achieve, they are never satisfied. The constant struggle can leave them feeling unsatisfied and with increased levels of stress, anxiety or depression.

Excessive self-criticism

It is common for people who grew up with cold and unloving parents to exercise intense self-criticism. This tendency of theirs has been shaped by the severe criticism they received during the formative years of their lives, ending up internalizing it, considering it to be the truth. Their inner voice makes them thoroughly analyze actions, decisions and their own value. This is how self-criticism works.

As adults, these people have a very judgmental inner voice and, as a rule, a negative perception of themselves.

They become their own harshest judges, setting unrealistically high goals for themselves and ending up feeling disappointed when they don't achieve them. Their harsh self-criticism opens a vicious cycle of self-doubt and fear of failure.

Emotional distance

Another common characteristic of people who grew up with cold, unloving parents is emotional detachment. It is a defense mechanism that serves to protect against the pain of unmet emotional needs during childhood.

Emotional detachment can be expressed in a variety of ways, such as difficulty in emotional communication, discomfort with close relationships, or avoidance of emotional engagement.

As much as it may have served as a defense mechanism during an insecure upbringing, emotional distance can also prevent the creation of meaningful relationships in adulthood. For these people, it is necessary to be able to open up emotionally so that they can experience and express their mental world.

Tip: Through self-awareness, patience and compassion, people can overcome and let go of their deeply ingrained behaviors, which were formed as a defense mechanism, and move forward on the journey of personal growth. Real help can come in many forms, counseling or psychotherapy, which equips us with the right tools to deal with difficulties and enjoy life.